Still going.

weighed in this afternoon... and i am down 12.2 pounds since the summer kicked off. it has been frustrating not being able to exercise, but i guess just eating less has been working. i would LOVE to be in the 170s by the time school starts in three weeks. only five pounds to lose. sounds totally doable if i pay close attention to healthy eating. 

tim has been away on business over the past week. it will be so nice to have him home and get back on a normal schedule. looking forward to his plane landing this evening! 

i am updating weight loss on "my journey" page if you are interested in checking it out! 

Happy Tuesday!!

an update.

well. the knee is doing horrible. can't really function without a high dose of pain killers... but even when i take those, i still feel pain.

i went to the my family doctor yesterday because the pain continues to be unbearable. he basically said ice, elevate, and ibuprofen. he thought maybe a stress fracture, but that didn't show up in the x-ray. i was hoping he would send me to get an MRI... but that was a no go.

i go to the orthopedic specialist next thursday... ughhhh! that seems so far away! my family doctor mentioned that the orthopedic doctor will take a look and maybe suggest an MRI... which means i have longer to be in pain.

pain is the worst. i do not tolerate it well at all. i always think to myself, "what if this pain NEVER goes away and i have to live with it for the rest of my life." i scare myself.

even through the knee injury, i have been eating healthy. i won't step on a scale until sunday, so i am not exactly sure how weight loss is going. i am not really too concerned, because all i want now is to feel better. i want to be able to take a step without cringing.

it will be a week on sunday since my knee injury. praying that the knee heals on its own and i can go back to walking normal. because... i miss doing that.

a set back.

i have hit a bit of a bump in the road on sunday. i ran amazingly on sunday. i felt SO good. i could feel myself being the runner i use to be. i loved EVERY second. then, i came home and took a nap during landon's nap time. and then i woke up....  with the worst knee pain ever.

not sure where it came from. i didn't feel like i injured it at any point on the treadmill. i wasn't going very fast and did a good walking warm up and cool down.

i keep wondering if it is from going back to exercise. i feel like my knee hurt last time i tried working out again. i have eased myself into working out... not going super fast. mixing in walking. and going no longer than 35 minutes... and that is with a warm up and cool down...

i went to the hospital to get my knee x-rayed and it came back fine. the doctor mentioned to me to go to a sports medicine doctor to get a clear picture of my knee with an MRI. it could be injured from the 20 years of long distance running and trying to workout out on it is wearing it down.

deciding what to do is tough. i am wondering if i just wait it out with ice and ibuprofen, the pain will go away eventually and i can work out again. or should i go to the doctor to check it out so i know it isn't anything serious.

decisions... decisions....

two weeks.

i made it two weeks. i think i heard somewhere that it takes two weeks to break a habit and form new ones. it has definitely been easier as the days go by...

here are some changes i have made over the past two weeks:

• 30 minutes of exercise every day: i have been running on the treadmill almost daily and i have also implemented The Shred into my exercise routine to start toning up some soft and mushy spots on my body.
• cutting out soda: i was drinking soda WAY too much. like everyday... sometimes twice a day. both regular and diet. i decided to only splurge on a diet soda if i was out and about. and that has been working.
• water: since i cut out soda, i have been drinking only water. i add ice and a squirt of lemon juice and i have been able to tolerate it.
• planned dinners and snacks: meals have been much more planned over the past two weeks. grocery shops have been organized. this has helped with eating out and ordering a last minute pizza.
• sugar: sugar is my weakness. can't get enough of candy, cakes, cookies, and any sweet in general. i have really cut back on the sugar. i had to stop drinking coffee because i can't drink it without a TON of sugar.

i have to admit that i have been feeling much better over the past couple of weeks. i even feel as though my skin is looking better. strange. i know. i will admit that my body hurts. especially the right ankle. i think this is because i broke it last summer and haven't exercised on it EVER since then. hoping it will get stronger and feel better soon. i have a lot of weight using that ankle right now. maybe, as i drop pounds, it will be better. 

my goals for the next two weeks are:

• exercise 30 minutes a day
• eat a vegetable every day.
• only step on a scale on Sunday

wish me luck!! 

trying it solo.

i am almost to the two week mark of eating healthy and exercising... i haven't really told anyone that i was starting to try to eat healthy and exercise again. tim knows. my mom kind of knows. and that is about it.  i am keeping it quiet because i am scared to fail once again. i have failed at this weight loss thing way too many times over the past two years. 

i was debating on joining weight watchers... i thought maybe going to weekly meetings would hold me accountable to stay on track through the days. however, as of right now, i am doing this whole thing solo unless i really feel as though i can't follow through with becoming healthier. 

today, i cleaned out all my dressers and closets. it felt good to put clothes in trash bags that i haven't worn in years! i realized i have three sets of clothes... my before pregnancy clothes, my during pregnancy clothes, and my after pregnancy clothes. i hate them all. so i bagged up everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. my plan is to slowly buy new clothes that fit this awkward body. i am starting with the workout clothes and then transition to work clothes. 

i did keep a few dresses from my pre pregnancy days. i LOVED them. i am not sure i will ever fit in them again, but i guess i can hope! 

i made it.

i made it!! the weekend turned out great. tim really helped me through it. we started off friday night with a home cooked meal. we then decided to go grocery shopping for the week on saturday. this helped us buy dinners for saturday and sunday.

we went the whole weekend NOT eating out. this is huge for us!! i wasn't faced with temptation at every corner. i wasn't faced with the decision of choosing a salad over french fries. or a grilled chicken sandwich over buffalo wings. i am not ready for that yet.

because of the successful weekend, i treated myself to a pedicure and an eyebrow wax. it felt good to spoil myself for an hour and take care of me. something i really have forgotten how to do... or maybe just felt guilty doing.

going to the gym is coming along. i am working my way up to running 30 minutes without stopping. my goal is to accomplish this by the end of this week. i am now successfully running 25 minutes at a 12 minute pace without stopping.  i started this journey barely being able to run for two minutes. i have been increasing minutes slowly every day and i can feel myself getting stronger.

i also attended an abs class yesterday. and boy am i EVER so achey today. i was DYING on the floor trying to do crunches with my post baby/food pouch of a belly. a couple times, i had to just stop and watch the others do the ab workouts... one lady was doing them all with a weight in her hand!!! what!? WHAT!?

and i will end this post with a picture of my little guy. he has been a bit under the weather lately with spiked fevers... praying he feels better soon and whatever his little body is fighting gets beat.

approaching weekend...

i stink at weekends. i mean stink. i just don't know how to handle them. i eat my face off EVERY weekend.

so i attacked it with a plan. i told tim this morning, i would make a ham steak, baked potato, and veggie for dinner tonight. he looked at me a little funny, but agreed. he looked at me funny because we usually eat out EVERY friday night. but i can't do it right now. i want french fries. i want chips and salsa. i want buffalo wings. but i know i need to be eating a salad.

hoping to work out on saturday and sunday. that should maybe help me stay focused. fingers crossed and here i go!

bring it, weekend!

first swim lesson.

it has been five days when i decided to start to feeling better about myself... feels like longer. ugh.

to be honest, eating healthy has been easy since i trashed everything "junk" in my house on sunday when we got back from vacation. we also went grocery shopping on sunday and bought a ton of healthy food for dinners and snacks... that helps.

the hard part is making healthy choices when i am on the run. today, i took landon to Sky Zone, which is an AMAZING place...i'm talking trampoline galore! on the way home, a friend and i decided to do wendy's for lunch. crap. i could do a salad. but i really don't enjoy fast food salads. so i chose to just order a grilled chicken sandwich and call it a day. i did. and it worked.

it has been bit of a crazy day, but i am hoping to squeeze in thirty minutes at the gym tonight. last night, landon had his first swim lesson at the YMCA and it was no joke. it is no longer singing songs and swooshing my baby around the pool. we were doing back floats, kicks, and arm strokes... needless to say, he slept GREAT last night.

(Landon's "cheese" face before his first swimming lesson)

mini goals.

in the past i did weight goals... if i lost 5 pounds, i earned a pedicure for example. this time around i HAVE to do something different... because it is way too hard to wait to around and lose five pounds. i have no patience. i reflected on this and came up with a new plan.

i decided that every day that i complete thirty minutes of exercise and eat healthy, i will earn something the next day. it is like INSTANT gratification.

so on sunday, i ate healthy (no exercise), but ate healthy. i decided on Monday to buy a new pair of sneakers... it has been 4 years since i bought a pair!!

on monday, i ate healthy and worked out for thirty minutes. so on Tuesday, I decided to treat myself with a gym membership to the local YMCA.

on Tuesday, i ate healthy and worked out for thirty minutes. so today, i purchased new running socks, since i can't even tell you the last time i bought new socks. gross. i know.

if i do well today, i am buying myself new workout shorts tomorrow, since NONE of my old ones fit me anymore.

I already got my workout done this morning... thirty minutes on the treadmill! and it wasn't too bad. it was a little strange because there is babysitting at the gym. so i had to drop off my little guy and leave him with strangers. this was very weird, but i realized it is something i NEED to do to feel better about myself. Landon did wonderful and easily transitioned in and out of the play area.

i have figured i am going to create mini goals and focus on these goals two weeks at a time. for the next two weeks, my only plan is to eat healthy and workout for thirty minutes a day.

operation feel better about myself.

this weight thing will always be a battle simply because i love to eat. every time i decide to jump back on the wagon, i like to write about. i started to write in my notebook. i was writing my goals. i was writing my exercise plans. but i realized this would be so much EASIER if i typed it. so back to the blog.

i am embarrassed by my eating. i am embarrassed by my lack of exercise. and i am embarrassed by the way i look. but i need to accept what i look like and start doing something about it. so i did...

i joined a gym. it was the first time i did this as an adult. i always thought they were a waste of money, because you can just exercise outside, but exercising outside just wasn't happening in my case. in fact, NO exercising was happening. i haven't ran since 2011. CRAZY to type that.

i am not making a weight goal. i just want to feel better about myself. the first two weeks are going to be tough. in fact, the first two days have sucked. but here we go... again.