Thursday, April 11, 2013

my baby is moving.

10 months. i seriously can't believe that landon is already 10 months. he has hit some big milestones in his ten month mark. and he has only been there for five days!

before i tell you his big milestones, let me first share with you a word i have learned to understand and now can empathize with people who have it...  ANXIETY. i have never been an anxious person. i take things as they come and i don't really dwell on things to get me worked up. i believe i have no control over situations in my life... and that God does. but after having landon, my faith has been tested. challenged. i started to become an anxious person.

it all started when i found the lump in his neck. and then we discovered the broken clavicle. afterwards it was the torticollis that made me nervous especially when i realized that my baby may have to wear a helmet. and then the dreaded hearing test that he failed at six weeks old. i remember googling and crying over the many things that could be wrong with my baby. ANXIETY.

and because of this anxiety, i have been anticipating and nervous about him meeting milestones. i know. most mothers are worried and get nervous. i sometimes get in the habit of comparing landon to other babies around him... even though i KNOW all babies develop differently. i get frustrated with myself because i am trying to enjoy every second and not worry and get nervous about him... they are only little for so long... why am i rushing him?.... i am rushing him to make sure he is okay. that's it.

on sunday morning, he woke up, came downstairs. and instantly started to crawl on all fours like he has been doing it for MONTHS. he never rocked on all fours. he never crawled backwards to figure it out. he literally just started to crawl around the house out of NOWHERE. that very same day, he started going from laying on his belly, to kneeling, to sitting up. in ONE day. but wait, there is more. he figured he would really make it a big day and started to pull up on furniture and start "slowly"cruising around. in ONE day. i couldn't believe my eyes on sunday morning.

since then, he has been on the move, and i love it. he crawls to a toy, plays with it for a little while and moves on to the next thing. my baby is moving. all the stress, nerves and anxiety for no reason. he is moving.

my "anxiety" has greatly improved with him, as he is growing older and i realize he is fine. he is growing and behaving like a typical baby. he doesn't have all of those scary things i googled back in the summer. the helmet wasn't all that bad. his torticollis is coming along. and he can hear! but, i have learned that being a mom, i will always be worrying and anxious about him. i just need to trust that God will take care of him. and it is completely out. of. my. control.
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