when things get tough.

i hate being a negative nancy. i always try to see the positive in everything even when things get tough. when i blog, i try to make light of how serious things can really be.  i have always tried to look on the bright side...my whole life.

i was telling tim today that i have been to the doctors more in the past ten months than i have been in the past 30 years. you may not know this but i have cried over all the blog entries dealing with my spleen. or liver. or hemorrhoids. or screaming landon. i mean seriously cried.  i blog because it makes me feel better. so i can look back at this and think "see theresa, you made it through all that!" i try to make blog posts funny or light hearted. who wants to read a depressing blog? but i realized that even though i try to make my posts sound not too serious... sometimes they really are. 

delivering landon was extremely difficult for BOTH of us. i am still recovering four weeks later... and so is landon. in the hospital, i was told by the nurses that he is only turning his head one way and to keep an eye on it. i did to the point that i have been obsessed with his neck and head. i have been having him turn to a bottle, feeding him on the opposite side, and burping him on the opposite shoulder.  the other day we were playing on his blanket and i noticed a bump on the left side of his neck. i mentioned it to his pediatrician and he right away figured it out. he thought it may be his clavicle (collar bone). we were sent for x-rays immediately after the appointment. i cried the whole way there. and it was confirmed... that is exactly what it was. 

as tears stream down my face, i write this blog post. my poor little guy has a fractured clavicle caused by our rough delivery. the fracture has healed itself over the past four weeks and has callused. but we still have to travel to CHOP to make sure everything is okay and start getting him to turn his little head. 

(the little arrow is pointing to the fracture)

i have been trying to push the sadness, anger, and guilt aside. i need to think positive. he will get better.  i now understand what being a mom is about...i wish i had the fractured collar bone and not him...