Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Unanswered Questions.

after the audiologist gave us the results of landon's hearing test... they sent us home. we were told our baby can't hear and that was the end of the discussion. it was devastating. it was shocking.

we were told landon passed his right ear and failed his left ear at the hospital when he was born. in no way was i expecting to hear that his right ear was worse than his left. my heart dropped and tears poured out at the news.

i have so many unanswered questions. and the main ones being "why me?" "why tim?" and most importantly "why landon?

of course being in the special education field, my brain is going a mile a minute. WHAT is causing this hearing loss? could this hearing loss be linked to something else? is the torticollis involved? did this occur because of him entering the world not breathing? could it have occurred from the bruise he got on his head when he was coming down the birth canal? is this a genetic birth defect? could he be brain damaged?

will my baby laugh?  will he ever say "mom"?

i want to know the answer to these questions NOW. not tomorrow. not a week from now. NOW. but i wait. and observe landon and his behavior. wondering if he is on track for a typical 6 week old.

before i got pregnant, my biggest fear was having a child with special needs. i have been teaching students from mild to severe needs over the past ten years. i have seen what parents have gone through. they are so strong. and i have seen parents fight for their children. as a teacher, i have fought for these students too.

i am sad. the past six weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life. and i was expecting them to be the best weeks of my life.  God had other plans for me. He is challenging me more than i have ever been challenged before. I am trusting that He takes care of my landon. heals him. i also am trusting that he heals me. my heart hurts and is simply broken. and i know i need to be strong and positive during this time... for landon.


  1. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Landon is lucky to have you as his mom.

  2. Big hugs go out to you, Landon and your hubby. You are an amazing Mom and woman. Don't you ever forget that.

  3. fitzy is reaching his little hands out to landon right now as we are praying for him to be healed. he loves babies but he goes crazy when he sees landon on the screen.

    thank you for blogging and putting your heart out there. you guys were on my heart all day yesterday. praying and crying and praying some more.

    you are amazing!

  4. Tre, my heart is with you. It must be so frustrating hitting a wall at every turn. But, the Tre I know will take on every challenge with amazing will-power and stamina. You ARE and WILL BE a phenomenal mom! I currently work in the field of Deaf Ed. Please let me know if you need anything. I'm sure I can make contacts, even for a support system for you and Tim. In the end, you have a beautiful, happy little boy who will grow up to be smart and innovative all because of you both. Your strength inspires me and I am proud to be called your friend. Love you all!


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