150 club.

well. i am back in the club. not a fan of being a member in this club. but there is only one way to get kicked out of it... eat healthy.

usually by this time, i stop blogging. i am completely off the wagon. totally embarrassed. disappointed in myself. angry at my body and the scale. and i just keep eating.

once i am at this point. i start getting jealous of skinny girls who can eat whatever they want and never gain weight. i get mad that i can't eat what i want... which makes me want to eat more... which causes me to gain more... which makes me more angry that i can't eat the way i want... which then i eat more. and i gain even more weight. until i realize what i am doing... then i start dieting again...it is a vicious cycle. hence the title of my blog.

having this blog has held me accountable with losing weight. and now it is holding me accountable with gaining weight. it is much harder to admit to the weight gain than the weight loss.

i can't promise you will see a weight loss next week. although i hope you do. i can't promise that i am going to get back to eating healthy. although i hope i do. this is my journey i have been on for ten years... and you are watching me stumble along the way.

i will always have twenty pounds to go....

next weigh in: july 11th.