Bottoms up.

well. i didn't make it. i thought if i stayed off my feet for two weeks and took REALLY good care of myself, that i would avoid surgery on those hemorrhoids. i should have known better. especially because one of the recovery nurses told me i would probably need surgery again. but i was being so optimistic and pushing pain away and hoping everything was healing. i didn't want to believe her.

i was feeling really good and pain was totally bearable. i started doing more at the three week mark when tim went back to work. i was getting up and down more. i was on the floor more both with landon and the baby. i was up and down steps all the time... i mean the washer and dryer are in the basement of my three floor home!

on valentine's day, i woke up in severe pain. i couldn't sit. i couldn't stand. i couldn't lay down. i couldn't even think. advil was no longer touching the pain. i cried myself through the day and knew i had to call the doctor in the morning.

i suffered through the night and first thing on monday morning, i called the doctor. they immediately gave me the number for surgery and felt awful that i was in so much pain. i was really hoping to get the doctor who did my previous surgery when landon was born. but, she wasn't available until FRIDAY. i told the nice secretary that i couldn't wait until then and she told me she had another appointment available the next day with another female doctor due to a cancellation. i jumped on it.

i suffered through monday and was a nervous wreck for the surgery that had to come. i knew what was going to happen. and the pain i was going to be in during and after the surgery.

on tuesday morning, i could barely function. my mom drove me to surgery while tim stayed home with the boys. the doctor was super sweet, and gently told me that things looked really bad and there is no way they would have healed on their own. no amount of tucks pads, ointments, steroids, ice, or heat would have made them go away. tears just streamed down my face. all that work for three weeks for nothing. i couldn't avoid the inevitable.

surgery was horrendous. i am glad that i am now six days out and i am finally feeling better. i think i am almost 100% recovered from delivering over a month ago. and hoping i can finally move on and enjoy everything pain free. nolan will be my last baby, and i am really hoping that i never, ever have to deal with this surgery ever again.

i want to make a mom shout out. i am so thankful for my mom who held my hand through the whole thing. she was there through the pain beforehand. she was there for the surgery. she was there for the awful recovery. she spent nights so i could sleep and recover. she kept my house clean and organized. she even let me take naps. i am so blessed to have her.

oh. and i want to make a shout out to Percocet. i was blessed to have them too.

 A month old already!!