a gift.

tomorrow is the day i have been waiting three and a half weeks for... the day we might get some answers on landon's hearing loss. i have been on a roller coaster ride over the past eight weeks. we started our journey with jaundice. then came the broken clavicle. from there we were told about the torticollis. following the torticollis, we were informed about his hearing loss. and finally stopping where we are now at reflux.

i have been doing the whole feeling sorry for myself thing. ALOT. i keep questioning why landon was born with so many problems and why other people have babies born healthy. why couldn't i enjoy my baby's first months of life and not be stressed during them...i question if there will ever be a time when we won't have 2-3 doctor and physical therapist appointments scheduled in a week. i just want to have a normal full week with him.

i am trying REALLY hard to not think negative thoughts about whether there is more wrong with my little guy. hoping tomorrows appointment gives us answers and comforts our little family. i think we are all ready to get off this roller coaster. and ride something a little smoother.

the other day i was watching landon sleep in his crib... and the word "gift" came out of nowhere into my head. he is a gift. his hearing loss could very well be a gift that we don't quite understand why yet.

Happy Christening Day!

a quiet week.

it took eight weeks. but landon and i have finally had a quiet week. we only had one doctors appointment and one Physical Therapy session. we enjoyed the days by meeting friends and relaxing at home. we hit just a minor bump this week with our little guy. he stopped taking bottles and screamed through almost everyone of them for the past five days... we took him to the doctors, and it is confirmed he has reflux. doctor said it is very common for babies to get this with torticollis.

we really enjoyed our week. we were able to visit friends, relax and get graduate work done. landon hit a few milestones this week... he is grabbing and holding on to toys. and my mom and i teared up when he lifted his head SUPER high for about a minute during tummy time yesterday! we love seeing that little neck get stronger!

i missed him lifting his head SUPER high...i think he got tired by the time i had my video ready,  but you can see his eyes in this video!

it's time...

but why haven't i done anything about it... i am talking about eating healthy and exercising. i thought it would be easy. i thought i would look at my "oh so gross" body and get moving. but that just isn't the case... why not? i look in the mirror. i see pictures. i look at my reflection in shopping store windows. i am the biggest i have ever been in my WHOLE life. and yet, i have done NOTHING to change it.

instead, i eat oreos. instead i eat chips... instead i eat junk. in my head i am thinking i can eat more calories since i am bigger. i know that's not true. i am just going to get heavier!

on sunday, i went to a BEAUTIFUL wedding shower. the attire was black and white. my bedroom floor was covered in black and white clothes. i was heart broken when i had the perfect dress to wear but realized i was no longer a size 8 and couldn't fit in it. i couldn't even get it over my head. seriously. i ended up wearing black maternity pants and shirt.

landon's baptism is on sunday. mom says "wear that cute black maternity dress you wore for Jacob and Charlie's baptism"... GREAT idea mom! but then i realized... that dress is a tighter dress because tight dresses look cute on a baby bump. but a tight dress is definitely not flattering on a pouch.

(Cousins Charlie and Jacob with Landon!)

so what am i going to do about all this... i know! i should plan healthy lunches and dinners. i know! i should exercise when landon is napping. I know! i should go grocery shopping for lots of fruits and veggies. I know exactly how to lose weight... i just don't know when i will be feeling ready to start.

perfect card.

on the morning of my two year anniversary, i woke up to flowers and an envelope on our kitchen table.  i slowly opened up the envelope. tim couldn't have picked a more perfect anniversary card. 

one of my biggest fears when i was pregnant was losing my closeness to tim. i knew when a baby enters your life that some things/people can take the back burner. because of all the things going on with landon, i was worried it would cause us to drift apart but instead it has drawn us closer together. 

speaking of landon... do you think i would end a blog post without an updated picture! here he is! :)

he was too young to schedule an ultrasound of his neck to check out the bump... his physical therapist and pediatrician think it is the muscle... or should i say was the muscle because we can barely find it anymore since it has shrunk and just about gone away...so we wait until August 9th to meet with the Ears, Nose, and Throat doctor. keep those prayers coming... thank you so much! :)

2 years.

two years ago i married my best friend. it was the BEST day of my life.

what do you do?

what do you do when you realize one reason why you are not motivated to exercise is because you no longer fit in your work out clothes?

press our luck.

tim and i had a wonderful weekend away celebrating our two year anniversary. technically our anniversary is on tuesday but tim has softball playoffs... and i have grad class... so we probably won't even see much of each other on our day!

we went out for drinks... had a fantastic dinner... and wrapped up the night with some gambling. we hoped we would hit it big but we walked out with nothing. and i mean nothing.

i just love a slot machine. i love taking my whole twenty dollars and positioning myself on the seat in front of a machine. not sure why i enjoy sitting at those machines pushing a button... but it is soothing in a way... just watching the "sevens" and "bars" spin in front of you. and there is something about the chance of hitting that jackpot. you could walk out of there with thousands of dollars. you could... even though i didn't.

it was a fun date night. tim and i have only been to a casino twice since we have started dating six years ago... it was like we were two kids in an arcade! only we didn't end up with a cup full of tickets and tokens... i wish casinos gave you a consolation prize.... then maybe i would go back and give them my twenty bucks more often.

hoping to start "the shred"tomorrow. going to try to get this body back to the way it was... all those hollywood girls can do it... why wouldn't i be able to?? ;) :)

and of course i can't end a post without a picture of my little guy...