trying it solo.

i am almost to the two week mark of eating healthy and exercising... i haven't really told anyone that i was starting to try to eat healthy and exercise again. tim knows. my mom kind of knows. and that is about it.  i am keeping it quiet because i am scared to fail once again. i have failed at this weight loss thing way too many times over the past two years. 

i was debating on joining weight watchers... i thought maybe going to weekly meetings would hold me accountable to stay on track through the days. however, as of right now, i am doing this whole thing solo unless i really feel as though i can't follow through with becoming healthier. 

today, i cleaned out all my dressers and closets. it felt good to put clothes in trash bags that i haven't worn in years! i realized i have three sets of clothes... my before pregnancy clothes, my during pregnancy clothes, and my after pregnancy clothes. i hate them all. so i bagged up everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. my plan is to slowly buy new clothes that fit this awkward body. i am starting with the workout clothes and then transition to work clothes. 

i did keep a few dresses from my pre pregnancy days. i LOVED them. i am not sure i will ever fit in them again, but i guess i can hope! 

i made it.

i made it!! the weekend turned out great. tim really helped me through it. we started off friday night with a home cooked meal. we then decided to go grocery shopping for the week on saturday. this helped us buy dinners for saturday and sunday.

we went the whole weekend NOT eating out. this is huge for us!! i wasn't faced with temptation at every corner. i wasn't faced with the decision of choosing a salad over french fries. or a grilled chicken sandwich over buffalo wings. i am not ready for that yet.

because of the successful weekend, i treated myself to a pedicure and an eyebrow wax. it felt good to spoil myself for an hour and take care of me. something i really have forgotten how to do... or maybe just felt guilty doing.

going to the gym is coming along. i am working my way up to running 30 minutes without stopping. my goal is to accomplish this by the end of this week. i am now successfully running 25 minutes at a 12 minute pace without stopping.  i started this journey barely being able to run for two minutes. i have been increasing minutes slowly every day and i can feel myself getting stronger.

i also attended an abs class yesterday. and boy am i EVER so achey today. i was DYING on the floor trying to do crunches with my post baby/food pouch of a belly. a couple times, i had to just stop and watch the others do the ab workouts... one lady was doing them all with a weight in her hand!!! what!? WHAT!?

and i will end this post with a picture of my little guy. he has been a bit under the weather lately with spiked fevers... praying he feels better soon and whatever his little body is fighting gets beat.

approaching weekend...

i stink at weekends. i mean stink. i just don't know how to handle them. i eat my face off EVERY weekend.

so i attacked it with a plan. i told tim this morning, i would make a ham steak, baked potato, and veggie for dinner tonight. he looked at me a little funny, but agreed. he looked at me funny because we usually eat out EVERY friday night. but i can't do it right now. i want french fries. i want chips and salsa. i want buffalo wings. but i know i need to be eating a salad.

hoping to work out on saturday and sunday. that should maybe help me stay focused. fingers crossed and here i go!

bring it, weekend!

first swim lesson.

it has been five days when i decided to start to feeling better about myself... feels like longer. ugh.

to be honest, eating healthy has been easy since i trashed everything "junk" in my house on sunday when we got back from vacation. we also went grocery shopping on sunday and bought a ton of healthy food for dinners and snacks... that helps.

the hard part is making healthy choices when i am on the run. today, i took landon to Sky Zone, which is an AMAZING place...i'm talking trampoline galore! on the way home, a friend and i decided to do wendy's for lunch. crap. i could do a salad. but i really don't enjoy fast food salads. so i chose to just order a grilled chicken sandwich and call it a day. i did. and it worked.

it has been bit of a crazy day, but i am hoping to squeeze in thirty minutes at the gym tonight. last night, landon had his first swim lesson at the YMCA and it was no joke. it is no longer singing songs and swooshing my baby around the pool. we were doing back floats, kicks, and arm strokes... needless to say, he slept GREAT last night.

(Landon's "cheese" face before his first swimming lesson)

mini goals.

in the past i did weight goals... if i lost 5 pounds, i earned a pedicure for example. this time around i HAVE to do something different... because it is way too hard to wait to around and lose five pounds. i have no patience. i reflected on this and came up with a new plan.

i decided that every day that i complete thirty minutes of exercise and eat healthy, i will earn something the next day. it is like INSTANT gratification.

so on sunday, i ate healthy (no exercise), but ate healthy. i decided on Monday to buy a new pair of sneakers... it has been 4 years since i bought a pair!!

on monday, i ate healthy and worked out for thirty minutes. so on Tuesday, I decided to treat myself with a gym membership to the local YMCA.

on Tuesday, i ate healthy and worked out for thirty minutes. so today, i purchased new running socks, since i can't even tell you the last time i bought new socks. gross. i know.

if i do well today, i am buying myself new workout shorts tomorrow, since NONE of my old ones fit me anymore.

I already got my workout done this morning... thirty minutes on the treadmill! and it wasn't too bad. it was a little strange because there is babysitting at the gym. so i had to drop off my little guy and leave him with strangers. this was very weird, but i realized it is something i NEED to do to feel better about myself. Landon did wonderful and easily transitioned in and out of the play area.

i have figured i am going to create mini goals and focus on these goals two weeks at a time. for the next two weeks, my only plan is to eat healthy and workout for thirty minutes a day.

operation feel better about myself.

this weight thing will always be a battle simply because i love to eat. every time i decide to jump back on the wagon, i like to write about. i started to write in my notebook. i was writing my goals. i was writing my exercise plans. but i realized this would be so much EASIER if i typed it. so back to the blog.

i am embarrassed by my eating. i am embarrassed by my lack of exercise. and i am embarrassed by the way i look. but i need to accept what i look like and start doing something about it. so i did...

i joined a gym. it was the first time i did this as an adult. i always thought they were a waste of money, because you can just exercise outside, but exercising outside just wasn't happening in my case. in fact, NO exercising was happening. i haven't ran since 2011. CRAZY to type that.

i am not making a weight goal. i just want to feel better about myself. the first two weeks are going to be tough. in fact, the first two days have sucked. but here we go... again.

Step On Scale Sunday

you have to excuse my lack of blog posts. this balancing act of being a working mom is a tough one. i also just registered for my VERY last graduate class ever. this one will be the biggest doozy of them all. the good news is that i officially have my masters degree as of january 6th. however, the principal certification requires a practicum class and 180 hours of extra work outside of the classroom. so i will be adding this on top of everything else going on in our little lives. i think i can, i think i can, i THINK i can.

weighed in this morning. 184.2. that is a loss of 1.8. not a big one but a little move. i'll take it! here comes week 2!

Next weigh-in: January 19th.

cookies and a potty.

i love being a teacher. it is a very busy job and can be challenging... but at the same time, very rewarding.

this morning, i was checking in homework, taking attendance, paying my students for their jobs, and organizing the day when one of my students came up to me with two cookies in a sandwich bag. i know those cookies were for her lunch, but out of the kindness of her heart, she gave them to me. i told her that she should eat them for her lunch. but she looked at me and said, no, i want you to have them. so i thanked her over and over again... and told her i couldn't wait to eat them. i placed them on my desk and continued with the morning.

after lunch, the little sweet pea asked me if i enjoyed the cookies. i told her that i was saving them for later to eat. and that seemed to make her happy. i looked at those cookies all day on my desk. they looked delicious. especially, since my lunch didn't quite fill me the way i had hoped. 

at the end of the day, i placed the cookies in my school bag to bring home. i didn't have the heart to throw them away at school since i knew she really wanted me to have them. i took a nibble of one for dessert tonight and put it back in the sandwich bag. 

the december theresa would have inhaled those two cookies and not thought twice about it. now those cookies are sitting on my kitchen table. looks like someone else may be enjoying those cookies. 

maybe this guy will get a bite of a cookie when he uses his potty! we are on the road of potty training!